There have been a YEAR now, tht i didn't write in my journal, as usual i get lazy when it comes to writing it !!!
But here we go again,

I'm at the end of the year (faculty year) & usual i'm so far behind, I didn't study anything yet, the exams will start at the 24th May & as usual i made a schedule that would help me get organized & finish everything, but of course impossible to follow bcoz I'm too stupid to do so.
Now my mind is teared apart between
Studies that i'm not accomplishing !!!
Exams that i'll fail sooner than i thought !!!
Lost love that i don't know where it is in the 1st place !!!
My Interests that i can never stop thinking about, although I'm not satisying any of them !!!
Friends that i don't know what their status exactly !!!
Stupidities that is always present in my life !!!
And the USUAL CONFUSION & feeling of being LOST that i hate the most !!! Also the typical confusion about life & relationships !!
Not to mention the movies (Awake (recently), V for Vendetta, LOR...), T.V shows (the O.C .........), Books (LOR, Harry Potter (tht i'm missing a lot), DaVinci Code, & the books that i CANNOT get .........)
& of course my Beloved BACKSTREET BOYS (especially Nick) that have been the only constant in my life for 7 years now !!!

But at that moment, I'm feeling the DESIRE for Knowledge & the PASSION to Learn & study & get organized (like i used to) & GET BETTER !!!
But it's too late for this feeling to help me get through this crisis of exams, I feel excited to get into an exam (after i study of course)
I've always been driven by my passion to know, the thing tht helped me through alot & the same thing that made me what i am today !!
That's what i've been missing for the last couple of years, THE INSPIRATION, THE MOTIVATION, THE PASSION for something & the desire to know, but unfortunatly it's TOO LATE to save the situation
I know you might say, it's never too late, but really wish that i WOKE UP earlier than that !!!
What i really wish for right now, is that ALLAH helps me get through this crisis, knowing that i don't deserve this, but Hoping that if i was given another chance i would save MYSELF from that terrible situation, NEVER EVER to face it again !!!
And may GOD forgive me for what i've done to myself (bcoz i wasn't like this) !! & help me find my way AGAIN !!!

You know, I wish i could hold on to that moment, where i'm driven by the Passion & desire & excitement (bcoz tht's what i always needed to achieve what i want) & get back in time to where it all began & try again, but since that is impossible !!!
THEN i wish i could have this moment & take it with me a step forward to the beginning of the next year & start fresh, but that is IMPOSSIBLE too !!!
So i just hope that I could pass this year & then have that feeling at the beginning of the next year rather than at the END !!!